hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
