I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
