you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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