i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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