Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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