Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
