maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
