If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
