I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
