She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
