Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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