i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
