do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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