Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
