i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
