this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
