How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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