we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
