THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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