i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
