Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
