mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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