when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
