Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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