every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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