Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
