just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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