GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
