He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
