She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
