Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
