you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
