Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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