hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
