Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
please come you make the beer taste better
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
