In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
