Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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