I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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