I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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