So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
