The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
