omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
