please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
