I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
