Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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