i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
