ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
