She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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