is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
