Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Watching her eat just hurts me
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
