giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
