hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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