Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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