What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
