I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
