can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
